How to deal with over-controlling parents
You know it's because they love you, but your parents can be pretty unreasonable with their expectations and demands. Parental pressure is one of the key stress factors students report feeling as they approach their exams, and it's generally to do with the expectations placed on the student.
While some students agree that their parents intervention helps motivate them, many find themselves feeling trapped or confused, stuck between what they want, and what their mother or father says is best for them.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
The first step for dealing with over controlling parents is to know what you want. Don't hide behind their ambitions for you, but decide what your strengths and weaknesses are.
Some helpful questions are:
- What do you enjoy?
- What are you really good at?
- What subjects have you gotten the best marks, with the least effort?
- What do you feel strongly about?
Before you take on your parents expectations, it matters what your own expectations are. Know what you think and what you want.
LISTEN TO THOSE AROUND YOU
Step 2 to taking on your parents expectations might surprise you. But hear me out. The more people's advice you get, the more rounded your expectations and desires will be.
Take a moment to listen to what your parents want for you, and what is it exactly that is motivating them. Before you roll your eyes and say you have been listening to this since you were born, think about who else you could turn to for advice.
Do you have an older brother or sister, a friend or even a teacher or mentor that may also be able to provide wise advice. Someone who cares about you but is removed from the situation enough that their personal bias isn't going to overshadow yours.
Listen to the advice of people around you, even if it's just to learn how to combat it.
BE FLEXIBLE BUT FIRM
When it comes to discussing your options with your parents, here are a few things to remember.
- Getting upset won't help your case. When adults see young people upset, it makes them trust their judgement less.
- No matter what you do, you will never be stuck. There are always ways around bad marks, or courses that you don't particularly enjoy.
- Your parents need to trust you to make your own decisions. It's actually not up to them to police your life anymore.
If you are confronting your parents about what uni course to do, or what subjects to take in senior school, good luck! Remember there are so many different opportunities and no matter what you end up doing, you will have another chance in the future!